Tag Archives: video

Takeshi Kitano’s nearly impossible-to-complete videogame

File:Takeshi_no_Chosenjo_boxartThanks to Tweeter Paul Weedon, I was last week alerted to the existence of Takeshi no Chōsenjō aka Takeshi’s Challengethe ill-fated 1988 venture into the world of videogaming by indefatigable (and consistently surprising) Japanese media polymath Takeshi Kitano.

“So what?”, I can sort of hear you mutter. Well, by all accounts, it turns out that the game (released only in Japan on the NES) was inspired more by Takeshi’s hatred of video games than anything else, and was almost impossible to complete.

I won’t go into too much detail, but here are some hilarious potted highlights from the game’s Wiki:

The plot and origins

The game’s plot, where a despondent salaryman seeks to find a hidden treasure on an island, is introduced as having been created by Kitano while he was drunk at a bar; however, Kitano himself explains that the plot was solely the result of an hour-long talk at a cafe near his production company

The gameplay

Completion of the game requires several unorthodox uses of the Famicom system, such as using the second controller microphone to speak while playing pachinko, or not touching the controls for an hour. The player must also maneuver a hang-glider to complete a side-scrolling shooting game, made extremely difficult because the controls do not allow the player to move upwards on the screen.

More gameplay

Minor details such as not quitting the salaryman job, not getting a divorce, or not beating up the old man who provides the treasure map, can prevent the player from reaching the ending.

Apparently the game frequently crops up on ‘Worst Ever’ lists, but I for one would certainly love to give it a shot.

UK non-cinephile viewers might know Kitano best from the lunatic gameshow Takeshi’s Castle, an infinitely more dangerous version of It’s A Knockout, which was voiceovered in characteristically cheeky style by Scouse comedian Craig Charles. However, Kitano is one of Japan’s most distinctive cinematic voices, not to mention one of the most important figures in my film education as a younger person. I remember when Film 4 did a short season of his best work (including Violent CopHana-Bi and Sonatine) and I was astonished by the jarringly expressionistic manner in which he used editing in the presentation of violence, and the haunting combination of deadpan comedy and serious emotion that seemed to seep through every scene.

But, yeah, enough of that. Here’s a typically berserk commercial (starring Takeshi) advertising the game itself:

Funny: Nicolas Cage “performs” John Cage’s 4’33”

Here’s the original (explanation here, should you require one). Which do you prefer?

All credit to YouTuber aslucas07.

Some guys made a real-life version of Streets of Rage. It’s amazing.

After comparing Gareth Evans’ The Raid to my all-time favourite childhood game Streets of Rage 2 in my recent review, I had a bit of a YouTube session devoted to it. Look what I found. The music, the SFX, the little details, it’s all there. Amazing. What must passers-by have thought?

All credit to YouTuber TheStreetStupid.

The best disco song featuring Kevin Kline on vocals you’ll ever hear…

Cristina – ‘Disco Clone’ (ZE records, 1978)

Whatever the long-absent Sophie’s ChoiceA Fish Called Wanda and, erm… Wild Wild West actor does next, let’s hope he injects the same level of hammy lugubriousness into it that he did in his little-known appearance on the above “mutant disco” oddity. Oh, and fair warning, it features one of the most irritating, ingratiating choruses of ALL TIME.

"Yes?"

 

Super committed YouTube guy does 75 years’ worth of Best Supporting Actress impressions

Wow. Click HERE for a staggering vid of one guy rattling through 75 years’ worth of Best Supporting Actress impersonations, from Hattie McDaniel to Anjelica Huston. Credit to blogger The Lost Boy for the spot, and YouTuber  for actually pulling this shit off. Hilarious.

Fucking hell…

Here’s three-and-a-half minutes of four furious, tattooed men slowing down to accommodate a confused Elliott Gould lookalike. Oh yeah, it’s directed by the man behind Black Swan aka The Fame That Rocks The Cradle. What’s going on?

Arnie quotes

As you might have guessed, PPH is pretty busy at the moment, so in lieu of a proper post here’s a couple of my favourite vids, in fact probably the best two vids on YouTube; Arnold Schwarzenegger quote heaven. Watch, and watch again. (All credit goes to the redoutable hh1edits). Normal service will be resumed next week.